The cure, or not
by mabelreid
Summary: AU One shot CMNumb3rs xover Dr Charlie Epps and Dr Specer Reid are researching one of the most perplexing problems known to man, can they find the cure, or will it be another failure. Parody


_**A/n this is the result of sleep deprivation, watching Young Frankestien over the weekend, and a plot bunny that attacked me while reading Ann Parker's "Good Friend." Thanks for the inspiration Ann. **_

_**Warnings: This is AU and a sort of a parody, which means that Dr Epps and Dr Reid will be OOC if you don't like that then turn back now. If you do like it, read on gentle reader and leave a review please. Feed back is a gift.**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing from CM or Numb3rs, only my own characters.**_

It was a dark and stormy night…

Ok… so it was night, but in the bunker twelve stories underground, who knew what the weather was really like. It could have been raining or it could have been clear as a bell. It didn't matter to the men and women that worked at the Heinenburg Institute, the most prestigious think tank in the eastern United states.

In the middle of this underground lair, there was the office of Dr Spencer Reid and Dr Charlie Epps. Their work was so secret that even they didn't know what it was really all about. Mostly they had been told three years ago that they were to solve the greatest problem known to man. They had been working on this problem non stop and were getting nowhere with it.

Charlie looked at the painting on the wall that looked exactly like a window looking over a meadow with green grass and bunnies and flowers. The brook that ran through it looks good enough to drink. What he wouldn't give for a drink right now. They were forbidden liquor and he wondered for the hundredth time that day why he'd let his friend talk him into this project. It's wasn't like either one of them were qualified to give an answer to-

"Charlie, stop daydreaming and help me." Spencer whined in his direction as he frantically changed the values on the equation before them.

"Stop it Spencer... you're going to ruin six hours of my work."

"Oh please... you've done nothing but stare at the fake window for hours, what is your problem?" Dr Reid asked employing the erasure again and sticking his tongue out at Charlie's scowl.

"I can't concentrate anymore, we have been working on this for three years, and we are no closer to a solution then we were when we started." Charlie picked up a piece of blue chalk and rolled it back and forth between his hands.

"Charlie... how many time do I have to tell you. If we find the solution, we will be Gods, able to rule the world. To hell with the military and their applications, we'll make millions selling this formula to our friends."

"What if we never find the solution," Charlie asked.

"We're going to find it, I promise... now concentrate. Look at this... if we substitute X for this, and Y for that, and take the square root of twenty and multiple it by seven, it might just work."

"Spencer you're a genius." Charlie gushed slapping his friend on the back hard enough to nearly knock him to the ground.

"Well of course I am, you've been down here too long. " Spencer growled and they went off to the lab to mix up that evening's test formula.

Later…..

The two geniuses opened the lab door to their volunteer for that night. Neither of them was willing to test the formula on themselves, so they paid local college students to test it. So far no one had been killed, but one unfortunate student had gone around with lilac colored skin for a week and a half after the test.

"Charlie, did he sign the waiver forms?" Spencer asked tapping his foot impatiently.

"Yeah, yeah here you go," Charlie rolled his eyes and handed the paper work to the other doctor.

"Hey don't get sarcastic, you know as well as I do that we have to get these forms signed for legal reasons otherwise the chances of our getting sued is 27 to -"

"Okay, okay, do you have to quote statistic's every five minutes."

"Let's just get this over with, I'm starved, and Star Trek comes on in 30 minutes."

"You are a disgrace to our kind, you know that?" Charlie replied picking up the beaker full of urine yellow liquid and handing it to the student in front of him.

"Shut up _Dr. Epps, _and make notes." Spencerdemanded as the student looked warily at the beaker.

"G-guys... are you sure this is s-safe," The young man stuttered.

"Yes, it's perfectly safe and it tastes like chocolate, I promise." Spencer said making "down the hatch' motions with his free hand, the other was firmly holding the young mans right arm.

For a minute Charlie didn't think the young man would drink it, that he would bolt like a frightened colt, but then he downed it, choking and spluttering, his face turning crimson.

"I… thought…said… tasted like chocolate." The young man fainted.

"Damn it, I really thought this mixture would work," Spencer said frowning down at the young man, as if this were his fault.

"Don't just stand there help me get him to the couch, maybe he'll wake up. Why don't you call in Dr. Goodbar."

"We can't have a proper test if he's passed out." Spencer reminded his colleague.

"Just go get her," Charlie said testily as they heaved the younger man up onto the couch.

"Fine, do what you have to do to wake him up before she gets here!"

"Just go get her Dr. Reid, I'm exhausted!"

Dr Reid left the lab and slammed the door behind him. Now came the hard part, convincing Doctor Sharon Goodbar to join them, there had been so many failures and she was as discouraged as they were. He found her hunched over her own microscope and convinced her to participate in the next part of the experiment.

"This better be the last time Spencer, I can only take so much -"

"Yeah Sharon you've said it a million times already, just come with me, please."

"Alright Dr Reid, but only because you and Charlie are easy on the eyes." She winked at him and he felt his face going red.

She followed him down the hallway to the lab and they entered in time to see the student wake up and Charlie remove the ice pack from his own head.

The student gaped at Dr. Goodbar, who looked like Barbie incarnate. "Go on Dexter, get closer to her." Charlie encouraged pushing the younger man forward.

"Well Doctor, what do you think?"

She looked the student up and down, and said. "I think it's time to pull the plug on this experiment. Obviously it isn't going to work. He still looks like a nerd to me, I don't see anything different. He's got the pocket protectors, the pens, a calculator in his breast pocket. He smells like he hasn't bathed in days, his hair is greasy and that face, well only a mother could love all those pimples."

She turned back toward the door and said as she left. "I am recommending that project "Metamorphasis" be terminated immediately. You haven't met your objective of fooling a devastatingly beautiful woman such as myself into thinking nerds are attractive. I'm sorry boys." She slammed the door.

"Great, just great, now what are we going to do?" Charlie said.

"I don't know about you, but I'm going back to my room, pop some popcorn and watch Star Trek." Spencer said, grabbing his messenger bag and heading for the door.

"Hey she's shutting down our project, what are we going to do tomorrow night Spencer."

Spencer heaved a big sigh and looked back at the other man, "The same thing we always do, try to take over the world."


End file.
